I AM NOT PERFECT, BUT THAT’S OKAY
Already FIVE whole days have gone by since my last post! I just don’t understand how to make the time to write. Currently my husband is holding our baby; the child who won’t let us put him down lately without screaming and crying and throwing himself backwards on the floor. He is dealing with a bug bite on his ankle that made his ankle and foot swell up pretty big and turn a reddish-purple color. He’s also dealing with teething and bowel problems. And aside from all of that, he’s definitely a momma’s boy. I usually don’t mind. I love cuddling with him. But too often, I just can’t. I have two other boys who need my attention and help with school work. Not to mention housework and other responsibilities. Still, I try holding him as often as I can because I know that these days are passing by so quickly and soon enough he won’t want to be held.
|A pic from a better school day!|
Today felt like a complete fail, besides the fact that we finished all of our homeschool work (even if it was around 7:30 in the evening).
Here’s just a bit of how the day went:
We got a late start, I changed TEN poopy diapers, all 3 boys were acting up in one way or another, I never got my shower or even got to wipe yesterday’s makeup off of my face. I’m still sitting here in my pajamas at 9:30 in the evening. I had a major headache and felt tired most of the day. I’m sad to admit that I raised my voice much more than I should have. I’m really working on trying to be a gentle parent. Today was definitely a challenge for me in that area!
On days like today I really need God to speak to me in a loud, clear voice because it’s just too noisy to hear His whispers. I am a perfectionist. I’m not perfect, but I expect things to be great. I hold myself to very high expectations. I’ve struggled in comparing myself to the Proverbs 31 woman and today I felt very far from being that woman I strive to be! Thankfully, as I sat down eating dinner, I read something that really stood out to me. What I read today was this, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” Jesus said this in Matthew 5:8. Thank God that He didn’t say, “Blessed are the perfect.” Instead, blessed are those who seek after His heart and desire to make good choices. Blessed are those who walk with Him and try to apply His Word to their daily lives.
God knows my heart! He knows that He means the world to me. He knows that I strive to be the best mother and wife that I can be. He knows my deep desires to be a gentle, patient mommy to my boys. He knows that even on days like today, when I didn’t make the time to study my Bible, that I still love Him and want to walk in His ways. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that we are not perfect! But we are pure in heart! That’s all that matters! Jesus was the only perfect one and where we fall short, He fills in the gaps and offers His grace and mercy.
I’m so glad that His mercies are new every morning. All I can do is to try to not expect perfection and continue to draw near to Him. I’m looking forward to a new start tomorrow.