From a very young age, I always knew I wanted children of my own someday. I was always the mothering type and never met a baby who didn’t absolutely love me. I would always hog the babies at family events or anywhere else I could get my hands on one. However, at the young age of 13, I began having issues with my female organs. The first was a cyst on one of my ovaries. It was very painful and wouldn’t respond to medication, so it had to be surgically removed. Several months later I developed another cyst on the opposite ovary which also had to be surgically removed. At age 16, I was back in the hospital with the same issues, only this time the cyst had completely overtaken my ovary and started growing into it. My ovary had to be reconstructed. When I woke up from the surgery, the doctor had assumed that my parents had already told me what else happened during the procedure. He started talking about the steps I can take to deal with my endometriosis. For some reason, I already knew at this young age, what endometriosis was, and I began to cry. He also checked my incisions and for the first time, I realized that my stomach had been cut from one side to the other. My parents came back to the room and found me in tears and were shocked and very upset that the doctor had explained everything to me without them being there.
At just 16 years old, I was diagnosed with stage 3 endometriosis; stage 4 is the worst. The disease was all over my uterus, my ovaries, bowels, bladder and the rest of my pelvic area. The doctor said he had never seen anything like this on someone so young. One of the hardest things for me to realize was that they had cut me open, but there wasn’t much they could do because the endometriosis had recently developed. They said it would be like plucking little, fine hairs. So they used a laser to get some of it, and then sewed me back up. So once again, before I turned 17, my other ovary was now overtaken by a cyst. It too had to be completely reconstructed and this time the endometrisis had grown enough that they could use the lasers and burn away what was there. They went through the same scar and cut me from one side of my stomach to the other again.
When I was 13 years old, a reproductive specialist told me that he didn’t know if I would ever be able to have children. This news hurt so bad, even though I was so young. I would walk around in public, watching mommies taking care of their babies, and my eyes would fill with tears and my mind with wonder. Would that ever be me? Please God, let it be me. My greatest desire in life was to one day become a mommy.
At the age of 19, I was already living on my own and had a great job. I met someone that I though I’d spend forever with and because of all the talk I had heard that I may never have children, we decided to try for a baby. Much to my surprise, I became pregnant very quickly. I knew I had let some family members down because I wasn’t married, but I didn’t care. My biggest dream in the world had become true. My precious son was born a few months after my 20th birthday; a healthy, 8lb., 7oz. boy. I felt so complete.
|My boys forever|
The relationship with his dad quickly fell apart and I would spend the next 6 years as a single mommy. Through it all, I still felt so blessed because God had given me the desire of my heart. However, I longed for my son to have a daddy and for my loneliness to go away. It seems as if, once I got my focus off of trying to find someone, and set my eyes completely on the Lord, surrendering to His will, that’s when I met the man that God had always intended for me. The very first time we met, we knew there was something between us. And by our first date, we both knew that God meant for us to be together. As crazy as it seems, we were engaged after just 3 months of knowing each other, and got married just 3 months after that. It was one of the best years of my entire life.
When we decided that we would try to have a child together, I had already had other surgeries on my ovaries than the ones I mentioned. We didn’t want to put off having children too long because of my history and because I was getting closer to 30. I knew that the older you get, the harder it may be to become pregnant. It only took us about 5 months to conceive, but it seemed like an eternity to me. Everything was going wonderful with the pregnancy…until I went into labor. I noticed that once my water broke, I hadn’t felt the baby move much, so I started to worry. I was progressing pretty fast and suddenly the doctor became concerned. The baby’s heart rate would drop with each contraction and after several contractions, it’s heart rate wasn’t recovering. The doctor told me that I had 3 tries to get the baby out, even though I was only at 8cm dilated. I pushed 3 times, but knew that nothing was happening. Then the room got really busy and she said that we had 20 minutes to get the baby out. I was terrified! About 4 hours after my water broke, our stubborn little Stinky Face was born via c-section. The scar that was originally caused from a horrible disease was the same scar that my baby would come through to finally be held in my arms. His body was blue and he didn’t cry right away, so I was scared out of my mind. I did SO much praying that night! The cord had been wrapped around his neck 3 times. Finally, he began to cry and I felt so much relief. That night turned out to be one of the happiest, yet most terrifying nights of my entire life.
|First time I got to touch my little Stinky Face|
Because of the horrible delivery that I had with Stinky Face, I allowed fear to set in and take control of my life. It was so bad that it affected my marriage. I would push my husband away because I was terrified that I might accidentally get pregnant. This fear was out of control and had such a tight grip on my life. Even though my heart had longed for more children, I thought that maybe we would just adopt in the future. I just couldn’t go through another birth experience like that again.
|Miracle # 3 on the way!|
Four years went by. FOUR YEARS of my life, controlled by fear…when one day, we were at church and got called out by a prophet that we highly respect. He had already prophecied over us three other times and it’s just amazing, the things that he had told us. This was the 2nd time that he told us that there would be a 3rd child in our home and that we had not yet reached the quota that God had in store for us. My heart was changed that day. I realized that I had to let go of the fear. If not, I would continue living outside of God’s will for my life. So, my husband and I began praying and believing for baby #3. By now I had turned 33 years old. Months went by as I watched everyone else around me become pregnant. Each month, when I realized that I wasn’t, I would just cry. But, deep down, I knew that God wanted to bless me with more children. It was the desire of my heart. After 8 months of praying, we finally conceived our third miracle!
I have complete peace now. I’m believing God that He will carry me and the baby through this pregnancy and when it’s all said and done, HE will get all the victory! He has delivered me from my fears and He has blessed me with the greatest blessings I could every ask for. He has made all of my dreams come true by allowing me to be a mommy to His precious children!
I’m Amanda and a Christian homeschooling Mom to 4 awesome boys from ages 4 to 20.
I have an amazing, supportive husband, a passion for encouraging others in their faith, and helping new homeschoolers find their way through their journey.
Thank you for stopping by and getting to know me better.