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From Screaming to a More Calm Mom

This is for all the moms who are currently struggling. You’re just not sure how you’re going to make it another day.

Your house is a complete disaster. Your kids seem to have all lost their minds, and you are utterly exhausted. Guess what? I know you’ve heard this before, but it’s true, it does get better! They grow up faster than you think. You feel like you’re never going to sleep through another night. But before you know it, they’re teenagers and that’s all they want to do is sleep. Life happened way too fast with our oldest son, and I have a lot of regrets. But it’s through seeing him mature so quickly, that I can better appreciate the time I have with my youngest sons.

I used to be a screamer. I used to get angry so easily, and I have deep regrets over the pain that I caused for those I love the most. So, I feel you, and I understand. This life is so hard. So what changed for me? Well, it didn’t happen overnight like I kept praying and hoping that it would.

I hated myself and wanted to change so badly, but I’d find myself sort of stuck in a crazy pattern of anger followed by regret.

I prayed and cried and begged God for His help, and read so many books about anger. Although I couldn’t see it at the time, He was helping me little by little. I couldn’t see it because it didn’t happen the way I would’ve wanted it to. I wanted Him to just snap His magic fingers and change me. But His ways are not our ways. 

Isaiah 48:10 NKJV says, “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.” 

In order for me to become the mother He wanted me to be, He had to put me through the fire.

The fire was me seeing my life flash before my eyes, not just once or twice, but many times. There’s something about thinking that you may not make it another day, to make you appreciate life a lot more. I really hope you don’t have to experience that, but it’s worth it if it changes you.

When my 4th son was born, there was a big chance that both of us could’ve died. After things settled down from his birth, I was so much more thankful for him and my other boys, than I had ever been before. I started cherishing every moment I had with them. That doesn’t mean I didn’t mess up and have a few horrible moments that I would regret, but those events became much less common.

However, I guess God saw me gradually slipping back to my old, constantly irritated self, so back into the fire I went.

This past winter, I struggled greatly with anxiety, and then I found out I had high blood pressure on top of that. I knew that the high blood pressure wasn’t just from the anxiety or my bad eating habits and lack of exercise, but that I had been getting too easily frustrated with my kids again. I was screaming again! So once again, God grabbed me hard and fast to get my attention.

It has taken me several months to get my health under control, but it has honestly been one of the best things that could’ve happened for my relationship with my kids.

Now, every time I start to yell, I worry about my blood pressure, and it helps me to get a grip quicker than I used to be able to pull myself through it. For the first time in my life, I’ve seen anger’s devastating effect on not just my children, but on my own life.

I’m sad that it has taken me over 18 years of motherhood to be as grateful as I am now. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved my boys beyond measure, but now I go beyond love to truly cherishing my time with them. I hug them more and hold them more. I know that one day, they’ll all be too big for me to carry around. It happens SO fast my friend! I promise! I only have 2 left that I can really pick up. Pick them up! Love on them! Silly laugh for no reason. Take them places.

Getting out of the house, although it’s so difficult some days, is sometimes what it takes to stay sane. Have a clingy, crying baby? I know it’s hard, but try to understand, they only cry because they need you. Even if that’s not what it seems like. My last one cried all the time. Nothing seemed to satisfy him. But, now he’s 3, and those days are long gone and new challenges have arrived.

If you get anything out of this, I hope it’s that you see your children as a gift from God and know that your time with them is so fleeting. Hug them while they’ll let you. Make memories while you can.

Be blessed my friends!

 

 

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